The tips I write and share about are on a very important spoke in the selfishladies wheel. I teach boundaries, negative thoughts and self compassion as the 3 pillars to becoming a selfishlady – someone who is confident and self assured. To set boundaries, we need to know how we talk to ourselves, so that we can change our negative talk and replace it with thoughts that are more balanced and self affirming. SO that brings us to this tip.
When you recognize your Self Harming Insecure Thoughts (SHIT) you can question them with this tactic. You might be asking yourself what is a shit thought? These are the negative thoughts that selfishladies engage in that leave them feeling insecure, anxious and not good enough. Such thoughts include (but are not limited to) all or nothing thinking, calling yourself names, judging yourself, mind reading others, or fortune telling the future without any proof and believing your assumptions to be true.
You can identify when your thoughts are full of SHIT when you are feeling those insecure and anxious feelings. Let those feelings guide you, and then ask yourself, "what did I just say to myself?"
Then, respond to that fearful SHIT thought with “So what?” - keep doing this to each answer you come up with until you can drill down the thought to its worst case scenario, only to realize that it wont be that bad and most likely will not even happen. This tactic allows you to see how catastrophic your thinking is and how quick you are to jump to the worst possible scenarios that are mostly likely never going to even happen. It empowers you to slow down and back up your thinking so that you can redirect yourself into a new line of thinking that is more logical, realistic and optimistic!
Lets take an example shall we?
“I cant reach out to them because I am a nobody. They won't want to hear from me. So what? So, if I reach out they will think I’m ridiculous and judge me. So what? So that sucks and is embarrassing and I wont get what I want. So what? So then I will be where I am now – without what I want. So what? SO I guess I have nothing to lose, I might as well just try and reach out”
See what I did there? Give this a try yourself! SO WHAT that doubt RIGHT OUT OF YOURSELF.